Social Media 03

Don't text me, HUG me!

A recent talk by Simon Sinek posted on Facebook was about millennials, that demographic born after 1984 or so, the people who are ca. 34 and younger. In a 16 minute argument, Sinek posits unique aspects of the life-shaping experiences of those of us who grew up around the turn of the century. He talks about parenting styles, impatience and environment. He also focuses on the effects of technology on the very nature of the millennial spirit, a spirit which often confounds leadership and draws assessments of this age group as being narcissistic, unfocused, lazy, entitled, etc.

His opinion is that the cell phone and social media have, and are having, an effect on maturing minds that is potentially damaging. He centers his view around dopamine in the body and its association with heightened sensations of pleasure. According to Sinek, instant gratification (as in an alcoholic drink when you really need it, a first drag on a cigarette, the occasional win when gambling) produces a surge of dopamine and the pleasurable sensations we crave. The downside is that in all these cases, the craving for gratification can evolve into an addiction. Seeing your post on Facebook garner likes or shares, for instance, releases dopamine resulting in easily, quickly accessed gratification, like a tiny orgasm.

The attachment to a smart phone as evidenced in constant checking for a reward—be it a comment, a simple reply, a like, some awaited news, a photo, even a text message—is indication of a growing addiction. If this is so, then smart phone overuse is potentially capable of many of the damaging side effects of excessive drinking, habitual drug use and uncontrolled gambling; all are capable of destroying relationships, of replacing friends and family with psychological crutches.

Allowing children free access to smart technology is like giving them a key to the liquor cabinet so they can relieve their anxieties and stresses with as many snorts as it takes. Most alcoholics, Sinek suggests, began their reliance on the addictive crutch in their adolescence. Whether or not he's overstating the case, we all know full well that being seated around a table with people who are texting with persons not present while ignoring those who are says something important about the power of an addictive technology. Quite a bit like replacing intimacy with masturbation as a preference, a choice.

Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” Wherever we stand on that issue, Sinek would agree that it's the immoderate accessing of pleasure-triggers (wine, cannabis, food, sex, Bingo, and social media) that warns of danger.

Should cell phone use and possession be regulated by age like cannabis, alcohol and driving? Our youth probably shouldn't need so much instant gratification; they do need to learn how to plan and reach forward toward long-term rewards. They don't need to know what their texting acquaintances are doing the minute they do it; they do need to develop lasting relationships with a cadre of peers who will support them with more than a tweet. They don't need to distribute photos of people in compromising situations; they do need to develop an empathy for others that precludes the kind of social media outrage of which many have shown themselves capable.

So, are millennials permanently, irretrievably wounded by indulgent, helicopter parenting and the addictive technologies that shaped them? Furthermore, since millennials are raising the post-millennial generation, will their offspring be doubly challenged to find contentment that's not dependent on instant gratification? Will they learn to value lasting, personal relationships?

Might be a good idea for all of us to think this through and act where we can.